Not so good,

Well hello all of you,

It has been awhile hasn’t it? I hope everyones new year has been awesome. I started off my new year with the flu! It was awesome. Lot’s has happened

- My guy didn’t leave for the Coast Guard because of an injured foot
- I cancelled my enrollment at the art institute of seattle, just because I have no idea what I really want to do with my life right now
- And, I went gluten free.

Some of you may not know, but I have celiac disease. It’s an auto immune disease that destroys my villi in my small intestine whenever I eat gluten. Well, some of you may know I have been eating it all my life, even when I found out about having Celiacs. For the longest time I didn’t care, but when I got the flu in the beginning of January, I lost a lot of weight. About ten pounds, which brought me down to an even 100 pounds. I thought it was just from throwing up so much and not eating, but after a few weeks I still wasn’t gaining weight, I was actually still losing weight. I finally went to the doctors, and got blood taken as well as an IV that was full of nutrients and vitamins. Turns out, it’s all because I’ve been eating gluten. By destroying my villi I wasn’t absorbing any nutrients and was in turn, Malnourished. It was tough figuring that out, but honestly – I still didn’t care. Until I looked at the long term side effects and finally realized – I was slowly but surely killing myself, and my future. So I stopped eating gluten.

It’s been really hard, taking something out of your diet that you eat all the time. For those of you who don’t know I don’t eat meat. Or fruits. Or veggies. I’m a hot mess, and I am working on eating better, but for the mean time I am still really struggling and still losing weight. I hit an all time low of 93.4 pounds today. And all my size 00 pants are too big. Dresses that once fit like a dream now hang loose and droopy.

It’s hitting me hard, as long as my mom and my guy. They love me, and I am learning to love me too.

I’m not asking for much, but if you know anything yummy and gluten free throw it my way,

also if I could ask for some prayers or something that would be great.

Thanks for reading my peeps.

<3

Heres a photo of a pretty kitty, it’s my background!

A year in review

Wow.

I honestly cannot believe that 2012 is pretty much done with, and a new year is right around the corner!

This year was full of…a lot.

My boys car got broken into in January.

I went to Leavenworth with my boy and his parents!

Me and Momma Bear had to put down our little old man.

Went camping in my boys truck at Fort Warden!

(Cant find a photo! WHATTT!?!?!?)

We welcomed two more Kitties into our crazy family!

My boy became and Eagle Scout!

Spring break in Baker OR with my guy and his dad! Super funnn!

PROMMM!!!

GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!

I turned 18! Whoot…no photos..

Lake Chelan with my boy!! Again..no photos…

August 3rd – two years together. <3

I got a job!

My boy got into the Coast Guard.

It’s been a great year. <3

2013 – you better kick ass!

Ohhh Boy..

Sorry it’s been forever. Someone hacked my account! Then i messed up the whole password reset so I had to wait awhile! But alas, I am back!

First off, I’ve been in an awesome mood because I got my car fixed! Shes almost perfect now! I love itttttt.

Then when that wore off I kinda hit rock bottom. Haha.. Have you ever had those nights where one little thing sets you off and you cry almost all night, and your eyes get all puffy and your face gets all blotchy. Well, that was me. Last night. Meh. So I woke up, and looked like this

Grumpy, sore eyes, and wore what I always talk crap about – a tank top and leggings. >.> It was a sad sad sight. I decided I need some cheering up, so I did this (don’t judge!)

Then I was dead tired and could barely breathe.

Hahahah. I’m so embarrassed right now, I’m dying laughing. Oh god. This is going to come back to haunt me someday. After that I was in a better mood, but bored. Momma was gone to lunch so I did this!

Curly hair for the winnnnn! I never really have time to do it, and I finally did! I’m pretty happy with itttt. Still bored, I moved on to makeup,

You can’t really tell…grrrr…anyways, I decided I was done with the tank top and leggings look and changed my clothes!

Now I feel much better and am listening to Ke$ha on repeat.

Heck YES. Not really.

I will be back soon to post more random crap! Oh yeahhh.

Pumpkin Patch and Birthday!

No No, it was not my birthday, but it was my  guys 19th! We spent the day at the pumpkin patch, going to eat at dennys, going shopping at AEO, carving said pumpkins, and being a tad lazy after all that action! It was an awesome day and we both enjoyed it very much! )

Theres some photos of our day and some of me and him randomly.

<3

Just a little update,

I know it’s been awhile, I’ve been kind of busy with two jobs, and working on stuff for getting into the college of my dreams! Heres some photos to keep up to date.

First off, I got a much needed haircut! I love it. I’ve also been messing around with my clothes, hair, and make-up.

 

Friendship

Let’s start off with the fact that I am just not good with people. I’m quiet, awkward, and kinda weird. At first people may think I’m creepy or just odd. But really, I am just an awkward person who has little to no social skills when it comes to meeting people. Now, for the people I already know..I’m a freak of nature (but in a good way, I think). I care about my friends. A LOT. I don’t really invest my time in a lot of people because it always ends the same way. I may not communicate well or something or they tick me off sometimes and then the friendship just…ends. This has happened a lot, and I will admit – I am NOT the greatest friend in the world. I make a lot of mistakes and I’m possibly a tad bit clingy. That’s because I hate being alone. Like…I’m deathly afraid of being completely alone someday. So I because friends with someone, and then I fuck it up. Happens every time. I’m trying to be better, I really am. How do you know when to walk away though? How do you know that the neglect from a friend is overpowering the love you have for them. And what if you don’t agree with the way they do a lot of things. Maybe even the way they act. Then I sit here and wonder..how did we become friends in the first place? Did I change? Did they change? I have no idea. I’m so lost. I feel like a 30 year old, and I can’t seem to find more then just one or two friends who can give me the love and attention I need. God, I sound like a baby..or a puppy. We all need it though, love and appreciation. I don’t always feel that from my friends. But I love them so much..sometimes I don’t talk to any of them for a few days and I ignore everything because I am having a pity party. Oy. I’m having one right now. I’m sad. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. I hate it. I hate not knowing what I am doing. I hate not knowing if someone really still cares about me or if they are just pulling my leg. UGH. I know this has been a pointless rant and I am sorry, but trust me – this is better then me ranting about politics – WHICH I HATE. Meh. Goodnight all. <3

My True Buddy!

Insecurities

Today, so far, has been “one of those days”. Not the normal sort for me though, normally I get annoyed with every little thing, I get really depressed, and tired. I usually hide around in my room all day. But today is different.

Today, I avoid the mirrors. Some of you might confused, so let me explain. I’m not the kind of person to search out mirrors, nor do I avoid them all that much. I care about my appearance, but I’m not too into myself. But, when I looked at myself good and hard into the large mirror, I was..not happy, grossed out, pissed, and I honestly wanted to cry. All I saw were things I didn’t like, and this isn’t normal behavior for me, but as I stated earlier, I don’t really look too hard or too long. Usually. I looked, well stared at myself for 5 whole minutes. I realized how much I don’t love the way I look. I hate my scars all over my face, I hate how my collar one sticks out, how small my ta-tas look, how bony my spine is, and how much my hips jut out. And I realized, a lot of that I can do something about.

So, off I go on my adventure to better myself, for myself. Who knows what it will bring, but I sure hope happiness is mixed in there somewhere!